There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
