Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So much rum. So many feels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
