if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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