I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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