I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
