Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
