Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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