i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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