Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
