I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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