ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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