I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
