I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
two words: eviction party
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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