at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
