My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
