you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
