I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
