I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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