I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
