idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
