we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
