ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
