Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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