I seem to have left my pride at pride
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
