Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They have beer where we have blood.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
