Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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