told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
