I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk is not a location!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
