We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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