dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Less talking, more tequila
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
