would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
