I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
