all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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