dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need a beard to bite.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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