If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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