I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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