I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
