My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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