At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
