I love having hate sex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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