Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
