it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
