drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
