You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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