just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That was before I lit my hair on fire
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
