it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
