I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
