Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
