I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
