The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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